Five years sober!

Black Wings

The end of June marked five years ago that I started a journey which took me away from drinking and self-destruction, and into a better life for myself and my family. It’s been a difficult road, and one I’m still making. I’ve had to admit one of the main reasons I drank was due to childhood sexual abuse. I was medicating my feelings of loss, violation, rage, lack of control, resentment, disgust, and horror with an excess of booze that both putrefied my entire body AND took away my self-control. Realizing that my drinking was causing me to feel the very things I was feeling from the abuse, I had to make a different choice. Self-destruction was ruining me and taking my family down with it.

Choices

I’d started drinking when I was 16-years old, which is also when I started being sexually active. I did stop drinking when I was pregnant with my first child at 18, but started drinking socially on occasional weekends when she was 4-years old. I really thought I was in control, and carried on this way until my daughter was 8-years old. I stopped drinking again when I was pregnant with my second child, and remained such until my youngest was 2.5-years old. While I was attending Mount Royal University for Journalism, I fell back into old habits with classmates, and started drinking socially again. This continued for almost three years until I was pregnant with my twins. Once again, I abstained from alcohol until my youngest children were 2, then believed, once again, that I was in control and could drink socially. Looking over the numbers, the past 24-years of alcohol abuse have been sporadically broken up, but the fact that they are there is a stain on my tapestry. Part of me wishes I’d made the choice to permanent sobriety years earlier, that I had realized and faced the withertos and whyfores of my devastating attacks on myself sooner instead. I didn’t though. I quit drinking for good 5-years ago, for reasons that included: health, happiness and family, and I’m better for it. My family is better for it. Life is fucking awesome!

Related post: Circling the Drain

Advertisements

35 thoughts on “Five years sober!

  1. Le Clown says:

    VeggieWitch,
    Congratulations my dear friend. This is a wonderful achievement, but more than anything, a wonderful way of life.
    Le Clown

    Like

  2. biggsis says:

    Congratulations to you. It seems you always had your children’s best interest at heart and continue to do so. Well done. Thanks for sharing this, it’s inspiring!

    Like

    • Veggiewitch says:

      Thank you so much! ❤

      I believe I always knew the right choice. It took addressing the “whys” and the courage to push through my feelings that helped me realize what I needed to do. (((hugs)))

      Like

  3. Robyn says:

    Kudos to you for having the strength to recognize and face the inner turmoil driving the roller coaster! It isn’t easy. Congratulations on five years of freedom :)

    Like

  4. mandy main says:

    Congratulations! As a mother of two and a sober woman of 17 years, I understand how wonderful this is. I also understand the challenges you have faced and how it feels to be a sober role model for your children. I love waking up each day without regret of the night before and the feeling of freedom sobriety brings. Much love to you!

    Like

    • Veggiewitch says:

      Thank you so very much! You totally hit the nail on the head: waking up each day without regret of the night before. This is one of the best feelings ever. H’ray! /cheer

      Like

  5. It's a Wiccan Life says:

    Yay!!! Congrats on 5 years! Alcohol is one of the hardest addictions to kick. Many blessings for many more sober years to come!!!!! :)

    Like

    • Veggiewitch says:

      MM! Thank you so much, my friend. :0)

      It really is one of those socially acceptable drugs to be addicted to, and people can be so very cavalier with the consumption of it.

      Like

  6. Sophie33 says:

    Congrats, my sweet Denise! That is great news to hear! didn’t had a clou! What bad news to here What happened to you in your childhood!!!!!
    Good for you for overcoming so many bad things in your life! I bet your children are very proud of you too! ☺ Sweet hugs to you!xxx

    Like

  7. bluebutterfliesandme says:

    Congrats Denise, my sister just had her 8 year AA Birthday and drank for similar reasons. I too had some sexual abuse as a child and have had some issues in the journey to healing. I so admire your strength and courage.

    Like

    • Veggiewitch says:

      Thank you so much, my friend. :0)

      Like so many people who have done the same, there’s a great difference between: talking about quitting drink; wanting to quit drink; and actually quitting drink.

      My lease on life has been renewed for 5 glorious years, and I’m only looking forward from here. ❤

      Like

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s