Day 20 ~ Difficult Time in My Life

Black Wings

Day 20 ~ Difficult time in my life:

Nothing I can think of compares to the struggle it was for me to kick booze. I had to recognize what it was that drove me to drink, and deal with the horrors of my past that were keeping me sick. I realized that it was me re-victimizing myself every single time I drank, and it was also going to have to be me that saved myself. That’s what I did. I went to a natural food store, and consulted with a specialist there. I described to her my desire to detox my body the most efficient and gentle way possible (without heavy-duty liver detox, unless I needed to further down the road), and she instructed me to an herbal remedy I would take in pill-form multiple times per day for 3-months. In addition to the remedy, I also cut the processed foods from our diet, and we went from semi-vegetarian to vegan in only a few, short years.

In hindsight, the actual quitting drink was not nearly as hard as addressing the driving force behind my drinking. That part was ugly and horrifying. It still is ugly and horrifying, but it does not control me anymore. I refuse to be as sick as my secrets, and I will not let the ghost of a pedophile and his repugnant doings steer my ship to ruin. I’m the captain of my ship, and although it took me a long, hard time to wake the fuck up, I’m the one behind the wheel. Negative energy can get out of my fucking way, because I’m prepared to drive right over it, back up, and drive over it again.

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14 thoughts on “Day 20 ~ Difficult Time in My Life

  1. wakinyanwinyan says:

    I admire your strength and courage.

    My hubs is a recovering alcoholic. Four years sober now. I admire him and all of those who are still struggling, those recovering and those trying to figure out what they need to do.

    I am glad you found salvation and grateful you shared.

    Like

  2. Many Little Drops says:

    I love the energy & determination of the image at the end: driving over, backing up & driving over again the negative energy — so spirited!

    Like

    • Veggiewitch says:

      Thank you, Mouse. (((hugs)))

      I really didn’t want to sabotage myself by making a bunch of noise at the time, and I realized that it was me keeping myself “sick.” I’m not a fan of the rehab mentality, and I’m not sure there are many that would empower people to “take back their lives” and regain control without the use of “drug therapy,” which is an horrible oxymoron and miscarriage of ethics to treat an addict with drugs. To many doctors and therapists push an idea of helplessness that altogether too many people subscribe to. I didn’t want any of that, so I did it the empowered human way. I’m happy to be here to share my story.

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  3. Rodneia says:

    I agree Mouse, most people I know who have to deal with an addiction, particularly alcohol, have done with the help of professionals and a large support group. I am in awe that Denise was her own best advocate, and took that first step on her own, and just ran with it. She has done very well for herself, and she is such a strong person to have not only kicked the booze, but also to go deep to the cause of it.
    Denise, you know I love you!

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    • Veggiewitch says:

      Thank you, Ronnie. I love you, too!

      I’m just so happy to be here to talk about my struggles and triumphs. I’m pretty sure if I subscribed to the popular mentality of helplessness and dependency on healthcare staff, I’d be far less strong and self-reliant. That’s not me, though. I put myself into self-medicating with drink, so I was going to pull myself out and follow Hippocrates’ suggestion: “Let food be my medicine, and medicine be my food.”

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