Wonderwall

I’ve been AFK* for a few days as I go back and forth to visit my Mum in hospital.

She’s had a chest X-ray which revealed her lungs are clear, ruling out aspiration pneumonia. I’m so relieved with that information, despite the fact that Mum will remain admitted over this coming weekend and into next week.

I struggle between wanting her home with me and knowing she’s in good hands in hospital.

The last thing I want to do is rush her discharge.

*AFK = away from keyboard

At any rate, this song sums up a lot of what I’m feeling right now. Yay Oasis!

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Psych Tip #1

I’m starting a new category for the heck of it – Psychology Tips.

My Psychology Tip for today, April 25, 2016, is this:

When someone breaks up a sentence to you with the word “but,” pay very close attention to what comes after, because it’s what they really mean.

For instance: “I’m trying to have compassion and I’m trying to be understanding, but what you have going on at home isn’t an issue here and I don’t care.” (This disgusting bile spilled from the  filthy mouth of an awful human masquerading as a manager in a health food store in Calgary. She spoke these words to my daughter a few days after my daughter had to come home from work and care for her sisters while I was in hospital with my Mum. Shocking? I agree.)

Some people work very hard to keep facades up to prevent their peers and colleagues from seeing who they really are. It’s more difficult to keep our words from revealing our true intent, as well as the body language we often look beyond due to our own state of mind or insecurities.

We all have intuition and it often screams at us about certain people and situations, while other times it gently taps at the inside of our heads.

Always listen to your gut.

| Photo via Google |

| Photo of Carl Jung via Google |

Dementia is the Longest Goodbye

With all of the information I’m getting regarding my Mum, and the events of the last 48-hours, I’m finding my head and heart are at odds.

I’m committed to caring for my Mum and seeing her through to her last breath, attending to her every need to the last, I just want to make sure I’m doing what’s right for her, too. Just as a Mother or Father will question whether their choices are right for their children, I question if my choices are right for my Mum.

I am leaning toward the hospice option, specifically because I’m aware that my Mum’s needs will soon exceed what I am able to provide. I’m also realizing that my Mum needs me more than ever as her daughter and not her primary nurse. I need to be able to love and comfort her through her passage to the Summerlands, and grieve for her properly through these phases leading to her passing.

I know that I am losing my Mum. I’ve been losing my Mum since her diagnosis of early onset dementia with lewy bodies at the end of 2010. I’ve watched her slipping away since she moved in with us on March 27, 2013. I’ve seen rapid and sharp declines that took more and more of who she was away, followed by a plateauing and lull that gave us time to adjust. Over this past year I witnessed my dear Mum lose her ability to walk, and not 6-months ago she lost her ability to swallow efficiently. It was 4-months ago she spoke her last sentence to me. Very slowly, on New Year’s Day, she said: “You… are… so… amazing.”

My Mum is the reason I love to read and do crafts. I’m so glad my Mum was my Mum. I love her so very much, there are not sufficient words to describe it.

It’s so bittersweet and heart-wrenching, and all we have is love. Nothing else makes any real difference. Love is all that really matters. Dementia is the longest goodbye.