Dementia is the Longest Goodbye

With all of the information I’m getting regarding my Mum, and the events of the last 48-hours, I’m finding my head and heart are at odds.

I’m committed to caring for my Mum and seeing her through to her last breath, attending to her every need to the last, I just want to make sure I’m doing what’s right for her, too. Just as a Mother or Father will question whether their choices are right for their children, I question if my choices are right for my Mum.

I am leaning toward the hospice option, specifically because I’m aware that my Mum’s needs will soon exceed what I am able to provide. I’m also realizing that my Mum needs me more than ever as her daughter and not her primary nurse. I need to be able to love and comfort her through her passage to the Summerlands, and grieve for her properly through these phases leading to her passing.

I know that I am losing my Mum. I’ve been losing my Mum since her diagnosis of early onset dementia with lewy bodies at the end of 2010. I’ve watched her slipping away since she moved in with us on March 27, 2013. I’ve seen rapid and sharp declines that took more and more of who she was away, followed by a plateauing and lull that gave us time to adjust. Over this past year I witnessed my dear Mum lose her ability to walk, and not 6-months ago she lost her ability to swallow efficiently. It was 4-months ago she spoke her last sentence to me. Very slowly, on New Year’s Day, she said: “You… are… so… amazing.”

My Mum is the reason I love to read and do crafts. I’m so glad my Mum was my Mum. I love her so very much, there are not sufficient words to describe it.

It’s so bittersweet and heart-wrenching, and all we have is love. Nothing else makes any real difference. Love is all that really matters. Dementia is the longest goodbye.

Inspired to Abundance 2016 – Sum 7

The Universe knows that I am doing my best, but if I had the resources to offer my Mum a better bed to be in, I absolutely would.

The sum to spend is $10,000:

$7,000 – Adjustable Long-term Care Bed Frame

$3,000 – Pressure Sensitive Mattress

$10,000

∴ It’s wonderful to imagine the possibilities if resources were not a concern. My Mum is bedridden, and has been for one whole year, so I’d absolutely use an extra $10,000 to upgrade her bed. She has a “loaner” hospital bed right now, but if I could get her one similar to the pressure sensitive, automatically adjusting, high-tech beds like in the hospital for bedridden patients, it would be feel so great to be able to do that for her.

Inspired to Abundance Exercise ❤

| Photo via Google |

Inspired to Abundance 2016 – Sum 2

|Photo via Sisters of the Valley|

The sum to spend is $100:

$95 – CBD infused coconut oil by Sisters of the Valley

$5 – shipping (I know it’s not likely, but what else would I do with $5?)

$100

∴ I would get this oil to help both my Mum and myself. My Mum is in end-stage dementia and has chronic pain from a slowly-healing ulcer/lesion on her coccyx, while I have dealt with migraines ever since I was young. It would be nice for Mum and I to live with a little less pain.

Inspired to Abundance Exercise ❤

Dementia Has Turned My Mom Into A Gibbering Fool

| Photo via Google |

Toward the middle of 2010, my mom was diagnosed with Dementia with Lewy Bodies and Parkinsonism. For the last two years, we/I have been going about addressing only the Parkinson’s condition, with little focus on the dementia. This past year has been an eye-opener to the latter condition, and not in a most pleasant way. Today marks the 1 Year Anniversary of my mom moving in with us.

I love my mom very much, and it is so hard watching her slowly taken by a condition that systematically wipes her brain of everything and everyone she has ever known, right before my eyes. The most recent deterioration has been toileting. My mom wears an incontinence panty now, and requires full supervision in the bathroom for cueing to wipe and wash her hands. Although her bowels have not yet been affected, she is no longer capable of wiping herself after emptying them.

Thus far, my mom has been very docile and quiet. I’m aware that dementia will often bring aggressive behaviours in people, and I’m not looking forward to that. It’s hard to ignore, but there are times my mom does look at me with something I can best describe as contempt. It’s those moments I’m glad my mother often has difficulty stringing words together. I do understand it’s that kind of difficulty communicating which can trigger aggression, though.

It is a lot, and it’s been a long year. I’ve been burning out. As a result, I have recently applied to start receiving assistance from Alberta Health and have HomeCare come in daily to help us out. A sweet lady named Sarah has been coming, and she seems a good fit for my mom, which is wonderful for me. Sarah visits for 1-hour five days per week, and for 4-hours twice per week. I’ve also applied to have my mom attend a weekly day program for people with dementia. She will be grouped with other seniors and individuals with a similar condition to hers, and have an opportunity to interact with peers. My mom gets a lot of interaction with family here, but not with people her own age, so I’m liking the idea of her socializing a bit for an added boost to her well-being. She may not remember a solitary thing about any such adventure, but in the moment she’ll be having fun.

We both need these breaks, but as a caregiver, I recognize that I went much longer than I truly needed to to reach out for help.

My mom used to be so smart. She’s the reason I love to read and write. Dementia has robbed her of not only enjoying her elder years, but of her personality. Dementia has turned my mom into a gibbering fool.